#10 Be Demanding As Soon As You Step Foot Onto the Airplane

July 22nd, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

Two men on Northwest Airlines aircraft, one us...
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Once upon a time on a flight to Philadelphia, there was a surly businessman who decided to have a “chat” with the pilots during their pre departure checklist. This passenger decided to unload all his weekly frustration through the door of the cockpit soon after boarding the aircraft. The captain, being a very patient man, turned around fromm his job with a smile.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you”, he exclaimed in a most pleasant voice. “We always have one idiot on every flight, and now I know where you are!” Pilots, on the whole, do not have as much experience or patience for handling deviant behaviour as flight attendants do.

When a passenger starts out being demanding or ruse, chances are he or she will maintain character throughout the flight. If you are that one, you will be pegged by your flight attendants as a “needy” passenger for the next three hours. It will be as if you had the big scarlet letter “N” imprinted on your chest.

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Transportation Security Administration. Beware!

July 17th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

When going through security, make sure to take off all your metal. Better yet, don’t wear your entire jewelry box to the airport in the first place.

Seal of the United States Transportation Secur...

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Second, take off shoes, belts, jackets, hats, ect.

Thirdly, take out laptop computers, DVD players and other large electronic items.

If they do take something to rescan, make sure to GET IT BACK!!

This morning, a passenger on board did not get her DVD player back from TSA. I know that she was running late and so she forgot but shouldn’t the agent make sure to give it back?

Things you are allowed to bring through that some people do not know:

Milk/formula , juice and water, yogurt and pudding and other snack for your child(ren) that you would not usually be able to bring through.

Things you cannot bring through:

6 Bottles of cheap chocolate syrup, 3 bottles of sunless tanning cream (yes, I saw it with my own eyes) or any liquid, gel or spray over 3 ounces. One ziplock bag per person with your personal items under 3 oz each.

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#6 Ask For Two Departure Drinks

July 1st, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

This is the typical scenario while we are boarding an aircraft. The lead flight attendant and one coworker greet and scrutinize 170 boarding passengers, check catering supplies, fill ice buckets, make orange juice, prepare the galley for in flight service, unsure that 42 bins are closed and that 14 able-bodied people  (ABP’s) at the emergency exits are briefed,make two announcements and hang 22 coats.

That’s our workload if everything goes as planned–which it never does. Then there are a few more things we do: check bags, be briefed by a late captain, brief a late flight attendant, serve drinks to the cockpit, call catering for missing supplies, fill pillow and blanket requests and answer the numerous questions posed by passengers.

Besides these duties, the airline have deemed it necessary that we serve 22 first-class beverages against the flow of boarding passengers passing through the same two-foot aisle. You only need to imagine a salmon swimming upstream.

So is it really necessary that you down two scotch-and-waters during this time? I don’t know why these beverages are called what they are. Rarely can you finish one drink pre-departure, let alone two.

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Comair: CRJ 70Seat Conversion First Class

June 29th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

Finally, all 15 of Comair’s Canadair Regional Jet 70 seat aircraft has been retrofitted with first class. So, for those of you that travel first class but wind up in coach when your destination uses the medium size CRJ700, you will be able to have that first class seat. As long as it’s available of course. The company sent the aircraft down to Dothan, Alabama, where they removed 14 coach seats (and the forward lavatory) and refitted the it with 9 first class seats.

Beginning on July 1st, plans to include meals like on the CRJ900 with take place. Until then, which is of course only a couple of days, I have had whomever was scheduled to sit in 1a,b,c through 3a.b.c were the lucky recipients of the extra seat space. I wonder if they thought that all of the seats were like that? :) The bad part to this deal: only ONE bathroom. Yes, if you are in the first class cabin, you will have to walk past the 15 rows to get to the bathroom. A minor inconvenience unless you wait too long or have that third vodka tonic.

Why did Delta make these changes? I would like to think that they care that much about their passengers but….I was told by maintenance that the airline is only allowed to have so many aircraft with 70 seats or more. So, by making the conversion, it’s not only nice for those first class passengers, it allows them to order more CRJ900! Personally, I am not complaining. If that means 15 more new “90″ seat jets…woohoo! Trust me when I say that it’s not only nicer for you, the passenger. Nicer, cooler planes make nicer, cooler flight attendants.

Happy Travels!

A Bombardier CRJ-700 regional jet in Delta Con...
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Comair (Delta Connection) CRJ-100ER N941CA at ...
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#5 Board the Plane Intoxicated

June 28th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

I’ve always believed that if every flight attendant at my company were issued a shot of whiskey before each flight, her disposition would greatly improve and ours would be the airline of preference. But because your flight attendant are, hopefully, cold-stone sober (one of the FAR’s), we can easily identify the passengers who are not (another FAR). Even if you are on a flight to Las Vegas intoxication is not an excuse for being obnoxious or loud, and it can lead to ejection from a flight—preferable at the gate of departure.

So don’t bother saying good-bye to that airport bartender you’ve befriended wile drinking your last five drafts: you’ll be seeing him sooner than you think.

2004ish - Clint, Carolyn - tiny liquor bottles...

Image by Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos (ClintJCL) via Flickr

liquor bottle

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Drinking In Flight

June 27th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

“May I offer you a beverage sir?”, I ask.

“Yeah. I’ll take a Coke.”,replies the guy in 4c.

Have you ever poured a Coca Cola or even worse, a diet one? They pour like a beer. Pour too fast and the explosion will happen before you ever have the chance to catch it. A head the size of the cup like a souffle pushing its way over the ramekin. I tend to try and pour the refreshingly cold beverage sideways so the passenger can get it faster and I can get on to the next order faster although it still takes time and patience. So, I pour his Coke full to the top with care.

“May I have the whole can?”, he asks.

“Of course you may, sir.”, I reply with a hint of can I dump it on your head running through my mind.

If you know that you would like to have the whole soda, great. Enjoy two if I have it but please for the love of God and time please do NOT wait until I have already poured the whole thing to ask.

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If You Plan On Happy Hour, Don’t Bring Change

June 27th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

We would love to accommodate your $100 bull for the $5 drink you ordered, but the galley is not supplied with a cash drawer and the nearest bank is the captain’s billfold.

A Classic Cash Register

Image by heath_bar via Flickr

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#3 Come Unprepared

June 26th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

Take heed: We do not have a refrigerator to chill your medicine or a microwave to heat the baby’s bottle. If you have a child, bring diapers. If you are diabetic, bring snacks. If you require a flight attendant’s undivided attention and the inventory of a drug store—bring along a personal attendant.

Older refrigerator model, with freezer compartment

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New York City, Manhattan

June 26th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

New York City - Manhattan - Grand Central Station
Image by Adam Jones, Ph.D. via Flickr

Manhattan, Central park, Times Square, 5th Avenue and Madison Avenue…nice people everywhere!

Grand Central Station
Image by bennie719 via Flickr

When I work flights other than those in and out of New York City and tell the passengers that I usually fly the NYC route, I get one response more than others, “…those New Yorkers…”. They’re rude, they’re in too big of a hurry, they’re this or that. Are you kidding me? These are some of the nicest people that I have ever met!

My past trip had over 30 hours in the Big Apple so the family tagged along and we went into Manhattan. This was what I considered my first full time adventure into Manhattan because the other times were at night and I really didn’t have the time or the courage to get around too much. This time, I purchased day passes for transportation for the three of us so that we could get onto the metro or buses any time we wanted all day long. I had a map, a plan and a preconceived understanding that if we didn’t make it to the things on the list of “like to see”, oh well! There will definitely be a next time.

Experience #1: The gal at the front desk told me to take the Q48 all the way to Flushing and then catch the 7 train to  42nd street. While discussing this plan with my husband on the bus, a gentleman there showed us that we didn’t have to go all the way to Flushing and could hop on the train at 111th Street. He even made           sure that we got off at the right stop and pointed to where to catch the train.

This worked out beautifully and we had the chance to see Grand Central Station and some of the other lovely buildings around the city. Grand Central Station was as awesome as I expected if not even better. Beautiful painted ceilings with various adornments around every corner. Grand staircases and people of all walks buzzing about on foot and bicycle. The whole area is more than just the one you see on television and in movies. Different areas weave through the building like a honeycomb offering different train departures and many ethnicities and levels of dining options. Need groceries before you head home on the train? Just pop into the Grand Central Market before you get onboard. Just don’t buy any more than you can carry! I think that I could possibly designate a whole day to just this glorious 1913 beauty.

From there, we walked for a while before hailing a taxi to check out the Manhattan Toys R Us with the Ferris Wheel inside that I heard so much about and wanted to show my son. It’s located by Times Square which also is more impressive in person than on TV.

Broadway show billboards at the corner of 7th ...

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Three floors of fun with areas for every age, a giant T-Rex that roars (and M is convinced is real because “the man said so”) and Superman holding up a semi truck from crashing into the floor. Unfortunately, the boy wanted nothing to do with the ferris wheel that spanned the entire three levels of the store. Oh well, on to the next stop.

Walking is definitely something that is not avoidable unless you really just want to take a taxi every where although walking gives you a great opportunity to check out all of the nooks and crannies that you may not other wise get to see. If you walk against the buildings, it’s a lot cooler from the AC blowing out every time someone opens the door! By this time, we were all pretty much ready for some lunch and although Dim Sum in China Town was originally the plan, my son wanted pizza. We started off looking at one of the street vendors offering Mediterranean food (that I was told was amazing) but the boy would not hear of it. One of the guys in line (experience #2) overheard the cries for pizza and recommended one that was not far away. Unfortunately, the day was so long that I can only remember some details other than the name! It’s on 38th, between Broadway and Fashion  and begins with an L. You go upstairs and down a small hallway with a door opening on your right where you are promptly greeted by a nice Italian guy. At least we were. “Have you ever seen a good pizza”?, he asks. “Sure”. “No”, he replies, “Have you ever seen a good pizza from here“? The server turns and leaves, to return with one of the crusts already made with sauce and square pieces of melted cheese. It’s slowly cooked and perfectly thin with out being too thin. You order what you want added to the top and then it’s baked the rest of the way. Fantastico! One whole pizza, two Italian Peronne beers and a lemonade came to $29. Not bad for a restaurant in the area. The server said that a beer around the corner at a local bar sells for $12!

So far, everyone that we came in contact with was more than helpful and joined in to do everything possible to make our day easier and enjoyable. I was really excited to find out that starting the day we arrived, the artwork of top fashion designers like Issac Mizrahi line Broadway Avenue. Some of the designs are fantastic and some are, well not my taste.

Next, we were headed in the direction of The Empire State Building. What visit to Manhattan is complete without a visit to the top of this world known attraction? I thought that it was a bit farther away than it actually was so we decided to take the metro down a few stops. Standing in front of the train, I wondered if we were going to be going in the correct direction. Enter NYC woman.

Experience #3: While we wondered which was we needed to go, a young woman asked where we were trying to go. I told her the Empire State Building and not only did she tell us that we were only couple of blocks away, she showed us! She was going to get onto the train when she actually took us back through the turnstiles, up the stairs and started walking down the street with us. Who does that? It was amazing that she would take that much time to show a stranger how to get somewhere.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to pay over $50 to see something that I see almost all of the time from the aircraft while landing at the La Guardia airport! So, off to Central Park and more walking. Actually, we hopped on the bus this time after walking a few more blocks. I asked the bus driver if that particular bus would be going straight down toward the Park and not making any turns. Yep. Another passenger on the bus (experience #4) asked where in Central Park we wanted to go after correcting me that we were going up. I had no idea. Just wanted to go. I found out that the park runs from 59th street to 110th Street! A great starting point is about 72nd Street, where the park opens up to a museum and a playground filled with nannies and “their kids” enjoying the cool water of the kids fountain and shady play areas. A woman talks on her phone with one hand, pushes a stroller back and forth with the other all while encouraging another young one to enjoy the watery fun.

Walking down just one of the pathways through the park, you’ll find children learning soccer, dogs learning new tricks and sunbathers unfazed by the hottest day of the year so far. Yards of green dotted with grand trees and sculptures used to delight both the senses and the photographers spirit. The path we chose opened to a pond filled with sailboats at the hand of kids sailing around the water by remote control. Another lovely well dressed woman enjoying a beer in a glass and pretzels (not homeless) while overlooking the fun offered with delight to take our picture. What example does this make? Okay, so I know that people around the country, or the world for that matter, would be willing to take your picture if asked but what about these “rude New Yorkers”? Can’t exactly say that anymore can you?

Since our feet could barely take anymore steps, we decided to take the bus back to the train that would take us back to the hotel. Just enough time to take another notice at how beautiful and serene the park is located in the center of such a loud and bustling city. The best of both worlds all in one place and I know that we didn’t even come close to scratching the surface of the park at all.

On the bus ride back to Grand Central Station, I saw a large net over part of the park.” Ooh, maybe that’s a zoo”, I joke only to find out that it really was a zoo. I thought that was just in the movie Madagascar! You mean to tell me that the park has a Music Museum and a zoo in it? Amazing. I have to wonder if one whole day in the park would even be long enough to see it all?

On the train ride back, another woman sitting next to us told us where we can get off to get something to eat. I had Philippine cuisine for the first time and it was amazing. The service wasn’t very good but the place was filled so I thought the food must be good. glass cases were filled with pastries and desert representative of the Philippine delights. At the bar, I saw some glasses filled with colorful treats that I discovered were avocado milkshakes and one made with honeydew.  I ordered chicken cooked in coconut milk with fresh slices of ginger. Fantastic.

Ice cream for the second time that day finished it off perfectly and back to the hotel for a good nights sleep. I cannot wait to go back!

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#2, Board the Plane Hungry.

June 25th, 2010 by Nearly The Bionic Woman

If you left home at 7 a.m. and your flight is scheduled to leave at 10 a.m., feed your kids before you get on the aircraft. There may be 148 passengers to be served and only two flight attendants to get the job done. So you’re looking at a possible one-hour wait after boarding before you see and morsel of nutrition; two hours if you’re seated in the back row. This is the best-case scenario-when your flight is actually scheduled for a meal.

Now, if there’s a mechanical problem or weather delay, or if you find yourself stuck in the middle of airport morning rush hour, you could merely be anticipating breakfast on an afternoon flight.

Cabin in a PBair Embraer ERJ 145 LR featuring ...

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