I would make a handsome profit if granted the power to award that vacant first-class seat to the highest bidder. Most airlines astutely leave that job to the gate aents whom you see before you board the aircraft. Unless you are Matthew McConaughey, your being handsome and turning on the charm will not influence me, I do have my standards.

If you are a family of four and have only one first-class seat, please don’t pay musical chairs between sections. I know that it is family budgeting at its finest if dad has the cocktail before dinner, mom replaces him to dine on the salad, junior sends mom back so he can relish the steak, and the sister quietly slips in to finish off the desert. I’ve honestly witnessed this scenario more than once. Please pick your seat and stay in it–we are easily confused.

Some people pay a large fee to be “upgraded.” But in most cases our valuable frequent-flyers are granted that seat in a hierarchy determined by the number of airline meals they’ve had to consume in one year. And I realize that my frequent-flyers always know their rank: “But I’m a silver card member!” (equivalent to 52 smoked turkey sandwiches eaten); “But ‘m a platinum card member!” (131 smoked turkey sandwiches)’

What they don’t know is that, from top echelon, there are probably 9 platinum, 20 gold, 40 silver and 70 preferred frequent flyers on board, all vying for that lst first-class seat. Hmmm. I could make a handsome profit, couldn’t I?

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I moved up to Ohio about 13 years ago leaving behind friends and family. Now, my family (within a hundred miles or so) consists of my husband and our son, with two step children a few  couple of hours away.

Friends?

Do Twitter friends count? Last time I checked…holy cow! Do I actually know 480 people? Doubt it. I can name at least 20 that I really like and may or may not have met in person….

How about FaceBook? There’s quite a few there too. Mostly people that I work with and may or may not have ever flown with.

So, how’s a girl supposed to make and keep a real life friend when either they live over a thousand miles away or are on conflicting schedules? I don’t. I would love to however, my “friends” here in Cincinnati all have 9-5 M-F jobs and I am often gone on the weekends.

My airline friends and I say hi in the lounge and sometimes even get to sit and talk for a few minutes. Otherwise, my friendships last three-four days at a time. It’s even nice when we get to share a meal together. One consisting of a table and chairs and silverware! And, more than 15 minutes is always a bonus.

Why are friends so important and how does social media play a part? A friend of mine, yes I said friend, and hopefully she thinks the same even if it’s only random and chance meetings and online, actually has a very successful blog all dedicated to friendship and how to be a better one!

According to a health magazine (Remedy Report) Loving connections through friends can protect us from sickness and sadness. Friends are there to help you though tough times, quitting bad habits and can even help you heal from life-threatening illnesses. Another study shows how laughing is the best medicine for curing illness and what better way to laugh than with friends.

For those of me that are always on the road, I love my computer and sites like Twitter, Facebook and even Skype. It helps me to feel connected to others even when I cannot be there. I have even had the honor of reconnecting with friends from high school. I just happen to be in the city where one of the women lives tomorrow! So, thanks social media.

Did you know that September is Friendship Month? So go out there and make a new friend! It’s good for your health.

Okay first of all, I will admit that I have never been a very politically correct person. If I find it true, I will say it. If it will intentionally hurt someones feelings in a non necessary way, then I will keep my mouth shut. This topic however seems to be a growing issue and it affects my other passengers and my heart when it reaches the health of naive children so all bets are off.

If you are traveling on a public mode of transportation, then there are certain things you are forced to tolerate. It’s a fact of life, sorry. Crying children, bad smells, inconvenient times, whatever. One thing that I do not think you should have to tolerate is an obese person taking up your space. This doesn’t mean everyone should be rail thin. You know who you are.

Each passenger pays for their own seat on the airplane and they should have that right. They pay for the space under their own seat to place their bag (as long as it fits properly) and shouldn’t have to share with the person next to them if they do not want to or to feel blocked in by the other person’s bag, as it is a safety issue in my book. A friend of mine worded it perfectly when she said, “You have all the rights in the world until your rights overlap someone else’s.”

So, what happens when the person who’s ticket puts them in the seat right next to you is the size of more than just their seat? I’m not talking broad shoulders here people, I am talking about just plain fat. Should you have to lean to the left or right the whole flight or like I saw the other day, completely trapped up against the wall of the fuselage? NO! We are not allowed to say anything technically; however, if I have an empty row or a seat that would be a better fit, I will find a way to gently suggest/ask if one of the passengers would like to move. If however, you are that person smashed cheek to wall, PLEASE say something. We will not make a big deal about it. You can simply right a note, excuse yourself to the bathroom (then come see us) and let us know you are not comfortable with it. A customer service agent trained in this matter will come out to the plane and if there is no were to move the passenger, then they will have to take a later flight. I know it sucks but they should have thought about the other person’s rights they may be sitting next to. Southwest Airlines makes these people who choose this lifestyle buy two seats!

When I asked our gate agents why “we” don’t do this, they replied that they didn’t want to offend the large passenger. Of course, I wondered about the offense being offered to the other passenger(s). Do you want to risk offending and possibly losing the one large passenger or how ever many passengers they sit next to during their airline flights?

I had a large woman on my flight last month that had purchased two seats and I wanted so badly to thank her for being so kind and responsible! It’s amazing that some people are so thoughtful.

My other thought process is the obese children that I have seen more and more of lately on my aircraft! The Mom yesterday actually ordered a full glass of Coke and two packs of cookies for her overweight little boy! “The Coke helps his ears she says.” Really? The sugar isn’t doing a thing for his body there dear! He’s only 5 and you should be ashamed of yourself!

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So you’ve been waiting an hour on the runway for take-off and feel a bursting desire to use out facilities. What you need to understand is that if you do so we can’t move the aircraft. Because you are not in your seat belted in, we will need to stop taxiing, lose our place in line and be required to wait another hour before take-off. I don’t think your fellow passengers would like that.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if the gentleman in the yellow sweater at the mid lavatory does not take his seat, we will consequently return to number 23 in line for take-off.”

It’ amazing what a little peer pressure can do.

Is there such a thing as shoes good enough to withstand four days of standing?

Can I please have a pair??

Today is the forth day of work and I am happily typing from the bus on my way home. Really, I cannot even count the first day because I was only wearing these shoes for a few hours. The problem is that I hardly had any time on the ground in between any one of my flights or on the overnights. What was scheduled as an hour or more in each city was quickly turned into minutes due to delays and weather. A whole lot of hurry up and wait going on this week.

I suppose if I would just sit down more often, it wouldn’t be a problem however, it seems that the second that I sit down someone needs something. So, it’s pure paranoia that keeps me on my feet. Seriously, I really do worry that someone will need something and not tell me because I’m sitting down. So I just stand and walk and look around. That’s okay though because I can become bored quite easily unless I have someone to talk to or something to do or read.

So, here I am with feet still screaming and begging for a break. What’s a girl to do?

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Maybe you don’t honestly believe the Feds when they say that electronic devices may interfere with an airplane’s navigation system, by why chance it?

Okay, so this one’s a tricky one for me. Why would they put “airline mode” on the cell phones if you cannot use it? This goes back to the “not all people are smart enough to figure out that function” situation. And, here’s what happens if you have your cell phone on in the phone use mode:

Your not going to be able to make a call, however, your phone doesn’t know that and it keeps on trying to get a signal. While your phone is busy working itself toward a dead battery, signals are bouncing all over the place and CAN interfere with the pilot’s navigational equipment. I know this is true because i have had them call and tell me almost exactly where the issue was coming from in the plane.

How do they know this?

It depends on which screen is going crazy and where on the screen as to if it’s the left or right side of the aircraft and then where on the screen as in the front, back or middle of the aircraft.

Get it?

Good.

Figure it out or turn it off for all of our safety please.

Oh yeah, some of those fancy readin’ “books” they have out now can access the Internet therefor making them just as guilty so turn it off!

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Even though flight attendants try to be watchful of every unaccompanied minor, once again, there’s that 148 passenger-meal thing to be served with only two flight attendants. Your child will never be monitored as well as he she deserves. That guy with the blue hair and nose ring seated next to your daughter may look like the Smurf in her coloring book, but he could have a dark side. The airlines do not screen their passengers with psychological test.

And sometimes it’s not just a matter of depositing your child at the gate and receiving him or her at the other end. Cancellations, miss connections, and airplane diversions do happen. If an adult gets bent out of shape by an unexpected layover in a strange city, how do you think a child would feel? Make sure your child is old enough to handle all of these situations. If this be your only guideline–most flight attendants wouldn’t send their own children alone on an airplane until they’re well into their teens.

Even though FA’s can easily be distinguished from passengers by that hardened, vacant gaze in their eyes when in the vicinity of their workplace, be assured we do cry. And nothing makes us more teary-eyed than when we are trying to comfort a distraught young child who is leaving his mother or father for the summer. Most of our unaccompanied minors are the products of a divorce in which one parent lives cross-country from the other. Sell the Porsche and buy a ticket to fly with him Or better yet, parents, mover closer to one another. He’ll be 18 before you know it.

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Now that the summer is winding down and the kids are back in school, I reminisce about the last couple of months. My son has just started second grade and is in the on again off again allowance of the hug already, so it was really nice to be able to spend a lot of time with him instead of the summer camp that he went to last year. I just hope that he had as much fun with Mom and Dad as he did with his friends at the pool.

Each week, I bid for a trip that kept me in some city around the destination map for over 30hours. One week we were in Chicago and another Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. We visited Central Park in New York City and more close to home, Dayton, Ohio. Each week, another chance to both hang out and see new sites.

I am not sure which one he would think was the most exciting, however, I have a feeling it may be Chicago. We took the train into the city and then a bus to the Museum of Science and Industry. Getting to the Museum was part of the fun as we counted down the stops and watched people get on and off at each station. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see all of the things there that I wanted to but there’s always next time.

The bus was really quite easy to find and actually was right around the corner from where the train dropped us as promised. The ride took us swiftly away from the city skyscrapers, to follow along lake Michigan in all it’s majesty. Chicago certainly does not lack any green spaces and parks to enjoy, which is a wonderful contrast to the concrete and glass of downtown. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the city life, however, when you have a child, you become more appreciative of open spaces to run and play.

There are two buses that I noticed from the downtown train station to the Museum, the #6 and the #10. We took the 6 because it was the first one to arrive. The only difference is a short walk and I am happy to say the #6 bus gives a view that you just would not have enjoyed by being dropped off at the front doors. Set back across the street and past a vast green lawn is where the bus drops it’s guests off. In front of you stands a Roman treasure, with columns and statues, grand steps and beautiful gardens. It’s building after building where treasures are held beckoning it’s visitors.

The walk into the museum hold it’s own although in a completely modern way, a drastic comparison to the outside architecture. I could go on and on about the museum itself however, I will leave you with this: Go early in the morning and plan to stay all day. We will definitely go back.

After our 4 hour visit to the Museum, my son and I went across the street to “the beach”. The first time that I heard that, I laughed. Coming up from Florida, I laughed that they call some lake, the beach. Then, I saw it. Of course, there are ripples where waves would be and the tide never “comes in”, like I asked.

Suppose I should brush up on my bodies of water. There are beautiful rocks to sit on, sand to build castles and a grill restaurant that will make you up your choice of eats. I have heard that the water in Lake Michigan is quite frigid, so I cautiously reached a toe into the water. Yes, it was cold but not as bad as expected so we did manage  to step deeper into the water reaching our knees. It really was quite nice and I look forward to going back one day.

I wonder if I will get to spend time like this next year with the boy? Or will he be “too old”? I doubt it.

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It’s that time again. The time when the kids go back to school thus making bidding for a schedule with the airline a lot more difficult. During the summer, it doesn’t matter what time of the day I have to go to work or what time I get home. Once school starts, I cannot decide if I want to work the weekends and possibly miss my son for a day or two when he is not busy and we can do whatever we want or do I want to be home and miss getting him ready for school. Should I be home on a Monday to get him ready for his first day of the school week.Can I bid for a trip that my family can come with me? It’s all a big gamble and yet so exciting that it’s a love/hate relationship.

It’s also ballet time again! It’s a very exciting time of the year when the dancers are back. Not that they’ve gone anywhere however, the ballet season starts and this year looks really exciting.

Of course, the first production of the season is New Works! Luckily for me, it runs for a “long time” September 9th- 19th. 10 whole days that I can go so there’s no chance of missing it.

In October is the one that I am really waiting for. Sleeping Beauty! Can you believe it? Not only is this a beautiful classic love story one that I have never seen in ballet form, it will be danced at Music Hall. I really think that this is one of the most beautiful buildings in Cincinnati and cannot wait for October to come.

December brings us the infamous Nutcracker that for me never gets old. In fact, it’s more like tradition so even if you have seen it before, each years dancers and choreographer can bring their own element to the beloved holiday event.

February is another new one for me. A Midsummer Night’s Dream, choreographed by Victoria Morgan is one that I have to admit, I know nothing about. I will need to do a bit of research on the story line and look forward to it being acted out by my friends there at the Cincinnati Ballet.

The season ends with two ballets that are World Premier’s and guaranteed to excite as they do each year. In March,  Adam Hougland (The Firebird) and George Balanchine (Theme and Variations), both choreograph the production and “apply their contemporary vision to Stravinsky’s classical masterwork”.  In April, the Cincinnati Ballet brings love songs from the band Over The Rhine to life through their dancers.

The entire season sounds like a must see and I will certainly have to bid accordingly to not miss a moment at home or with my ballet friends through which I live my life as a flight attendant with a knee replacement who only dances in her dreams. They know I love them and my family loves me, so life is good.

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One may find closets on some of the older airplanes that were built at a time when garment bags were made of thin nylon and designed to hole one dress suit.

Now that luggage companies are merely attaching hangers onto folding roll-a-bags, many airplane manufacturers and airlines have discontinued the addition of closets on newer airplanes. They have finally realized what flight attendants have known all along–that a closet on an airplane merely makes the first five passengers happy and, once full, irritates the last 50.

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